One Step Further

Don't know why i was so easy feel down, i just feel lonely, from the moment i born, i'm that type of hardly to trust someone else, and it also some incident prove me that human are not trusty. I know many friend, cause i changed 3 school, know a lot of people also, but many of them make me frustrated, said is the best friend but most of the time the one who betray you is your best friend. I got once betrayed by my best friend, is the love matter, but i just angry that why you can't tell me the truth but have to lie to me? I can accept it if u straight tell me, maybe some of the time i'm quite stubborn, but i know that love cant be forced. Best friend should share erithing in the heart rite?

I don't know why i felt that the people around me is dislike my presence, and i know sometime i'm the one irritating, so most of the time i prefer to keep silent, so that won't make the environment like so cool, its the best solution rite? Maybe like this i will lose many friend but i prefer that, the real friend will understand me.

And when u know a people more and more, u will start to know their 'real' attitude, what i mean is some of the people is look so kind at outside but the heart is 'black', when the time they need you will treat you so nicely, but when the time they don't need you anymore, they will turn into other people, for example when u try to ask her some question, then they will answer "for what you want to know? you don't have to know that rite?" Another type is that people in the heart is so so much dislike you, but they will so fake that still can smiling at you, I hate that type the most!! If don't like then straight talk la, i don't need the friend like this, maybe they will think that you don't know bout it, but the truth is I can see through your eye.

Me is me! Take it or leave it, it's my style!

Sometime i really wondering what i want actually, i so easy change my mind, i remember last time when i was lower 6, i enter physic class cause my ambitious that time is become a great engineer, maybe that time not mature enough, think that the world is so easy, dreamed to create something is great enough to let the whole world recognize me, but as time pass, i know that it is a impossible mission.

When the time i was upper 6, that time maybe i want to prove to someone then i try so hard to improve my result, and maybe hear many from my sis that become a actuary is a great thing, but becoming a actuary need brilliant and great result, den i plan go for statistic. Statistician can take external paper for actuary, that my dream ( become an actuary ).

I was applied for statistic, hope that this time i won't change my mind again, and i blessed that i could enter that course and go for my dream! I want to be success, I know my life was a failure but at least i want to prove that im not a useless people.

After suffer for 2month waiting my STPM result, the day is come, on 25 Feb its my 'big day'. I applied leave on that day to get my result, that day was my company celebrating Chinese New Year, but i have to choose either go work or go take result but i choose to get my result, i was so so worry bout my result, the 2 days before it i really can't sleep. I worry that i will get a very bad result since i knew that i done many mistake in my exam.

On that day morning, i went to Jabatan Pendaftaran to apply for new identity card since many of my friends are complaining my identity card is so so 'nice', the picture also can't see clearly my face already. Around 8.30am i reach there and i used 30min to finish all those things. But in my plan, i though i will be took a long time thats why i go there so early, after that i got no place to go since my result will come out on 12pm, then i ask my friend outing. The time of waiting is like very very long, one hour like waiting for whole day.

Then around 12.30pm only me and my friends go to school to take result, but the the time we reach there, is such of frustration that our class teacher got class to teach, we have to wait until 1.40pm to get our result. Me and my friends can only sit at there and see people get result, the feeling is so sucks!! At there, some of the people was so happy and some of them are crying. A part of them aim for perfect score bt can't archieve it.

Finally the time was come, i was holding my result on my hand, my hand was shaking, i really don't know what to do that time, i was so scare once i open my result and i saw those 'C', once opened it, i saw my first subject, pengajian am was get an A, i was so suprise, i was never expect that, but lucky all the subject was above B. Cause the criteria to get the course that i want at least must get cgpa 3.0 and above, i was so happy that i was a step nearer to my dream, and i want to thank a person, that person changed my life, is because of her make me got the momentum to study. I wan to say that whatever happen in the past just forget it, i hope she can find her happiness and also the future that she want.

Just feel the time pass very fast, its a month i work, i found that study is more comfortable, finish class just around 2something in the afternoon then can take a nap, but now working, whether you feel sleepy or not, you also have to work. 


Sometime i will feel down in the company since there is no friend at there, maybe working environment is like that, always have my lunch alone. Nothing can do then i will sms my friend, and i felt that i need you more now, its diff feeling than in school that time, its kind of feeling that cant use a word to explain it. 


All of my friends also busy-ing with working, then feel like all of us have a gap between us, its not the feeling like last time anymore, without felt stranger but now it is. I think is our time together is less and lesser.

2day i went midvalley for celebrating my friend birthday, at 1st i planned for next Sunday since that day is her birthday eve, but she was not free on that day however i ask her on 3weeks ago, at first i really feel a bit angry la, but after that then nothing already, i forgiven her.

10Jan