One Step Further

As usual, express my feeling here cozs it's the onli way to let me express myself, ya i noe, u will always be my listener but if continue like tat if u nt felt that im irritating, but i also felt that myself is so irritating.

Yesterd jz finished my Calculus mid sem exam, the situation is d same as the time that im in f6 that i still remember clearly, the first test of upper 6. That time i was done ntg on the paper and onli with a small part i noe how to do, and the situation almost is the same nw, many of the ques i also duno how to do. Its uni now, i cant get F for my exam, i have to get at least B for all sub so that i can grade within 3years. Sometime i rili felt so stress, my family member is so supporting me and put so much hope on me, and hope that i can be a actuarial, but i think i will make them disapponted. I rili cant unds that y my math is so weak.

Another thing, until nw i also have no courage to love u, i rili dun have the courage to tell u that i love u, i noe that i cant giv u anythg, i cant promiss u anythg. I noe myself is so negativity, but is the experienced make me cant be positive anymore, I loved few gal b4, eritime i got the courage to tell her 'i love u', ya i noe that, the answer is 'sorry.'. Actually thy no nid to tell me sorry cozs i unds myself well, im nt that type of gd guy, i dun have money, nt even handsome, nt even clever, im got no reason to let ppl to love me. My attitude nt even nid to say, is the worst, no patient, always critic ppl and neva critic myself. I rili so hate myself!! I noe many of the ppl so call 'friend' but in actual thy dunlike me also. I rili feel so meaningless, let me continue to be my lone ranger, i love u, i hope that u will get ur happiness, so tis call let go? I duno, but if u nid me. I will always there for u.

Stdy for 3weeks d, before i enter university i was so spirit say i wan to stdy hard and get the external paper for SOA, but after the 3week, dunno y my spirit is gone, juz feel very lazy, mayb u r nt here, last time v r in skol, when i c u i will bcome so spirit to stdy, cozs i wan to giv u the best future, but nw u r so far from me, and i noe that in ur heart stil got him.

2day i dun have class anyway and i promiss myself to stdy, at last i did ntg, sometime i rili feel myself so useless. The time im in tutorial, i was so scare i was called to answer the question, cozs at there i felt that i was a blank paper but others all did well, i lost my confident!!

Here is university d, no one can help me anymore, no tuition, no classmate that will help me, i noe im alone, but i will fight for it until the end, believe me, if one day i was success, i will give my erithing to u and tell u that "I love U!", but nt the guy like me nw.

I really got no idea what i should do, it getting harder for me to continue, cozs i knew that watever i do u wun saw it. Sometime i really felt frustrated, am i the type of guy that so so not outstanding that u wun saw me at all. Haiz..

So long never update my blog and nw i brieftly describe my uni life. Its one week of MMP ( Minggu Mesra Pelajar ), during that 1week, we can only sleep for 2hour eriday, and during that week, i can feel myself is floating on the floor, and fall asleep even im standing. Then we got no time to bath also, even take our lunch or dinner also nid to be very fast. But during that week, our senior rili so care for us and try to help us to get more time to rest, really appreciate that.

After MMP den our kuliah started, is very diff from secondary skol life, v have to find our place to go, and no ppl will tell u where to go. Then the lecturer also blah blah blah infront den ask u go dl the notes. Then some class also very far from each other dewan kuliah, den v have to rush.

Then tis week i can say got happy and not happy things also, happy things is i grow up d, i can independent by myself, the sad things is again, i miss u so much, bt eri time try to closer to u u will push me away. PLEASE dun push me away, i noe im nt enuf good, i try to improving myself, i will try my best to give u the best future. Anyway, i see u happy i also will feel happy, mayb u still love him, cant say mayb i think, its the truth, but i jz wish u can live happily, i didnt request anythg from u.

Then i will stdy so hard to achieve my dream, GO GO GO!!

Time to leave my home d, and the sad things is u going so far, maybe we dun have much chance to meet anymore, hopefully u wun forget me. U will never though the people that i miss is u, cozs in ur heart got another him, its ok cozs i noe i can't give u anythg, as long as u happy den enuf. =)

Mom i will miss u! and my lovely home also. And i will miss u also, i noe u wun miss me, gambate ba, ur journey will be get harder, i will always be ur side.

These few day rili quite bz with preparing the stuff to get into university, have to certify those certificate, ptptn loan, then the dressing for orientation, my living stuff. Sometimes feel tired of it.

Time pass so far, i'm 20 now, but i still looks like a small kid, scare this scare that, sometime wondering, can i to be independent to live alone? But i will try the best to change myself, not kid anymore d, some people at this age already people's father. U have to independent and no one will help u in the future, be strong =)

Work hard and never give up, until i achieve my goal!!

Few days ago, i went back to hometown, to have a visit to my relative, and that time went to many place also. Now onli i noe that perak also got alot nice view and historical  building like Kelly's Castle which have a touching love story behind, there was many nice temple which is built inside the cave like Kek Lok Tong, Nam Tien Tong and many more. But i like Kek Lok Tong the most since it was so natural and not commercialize like the others.

Here some photo from there.

Can't slp and writing blog, finally i got my first choice in UPU and got UKM statistic and i was so happy that it was a 3years course, thats the reason i choice UKM also.

UKM website down again, yesterday i was too tired and i thought wake up in the morning only download the form but once i check the website, i getting frustrated, the webpage is not available, but luckily i was accepted the offer.

I ready for the challenge and i want to graduate with flying colors and achieve my goal!! If after 3years, i was achieve what i should do and you are still available, i will tell u whats in my heart. Its my promiss, i just want to give u the life that better =) Miss u.